book 20 - in english - Fragment

 Book 20 

English Edition 

A book of glass breaking … 

Out of the Darkness nothing can rise.  At least that is what they want us to believe.  Out of the Darkness — rise!

Descend 

Book 20 

A book beyond life and hope? 

Will you come into my sacred poems  to trust me with your heart –  or will you rather steal mine  to leave them again?

Book 20 

Sign of the 4

and the 8

Α 

>He who talks to the nightingale< 

He who has a Heart of Silver

He who has a heart of silver, 

shall never tell the nightingale 

how to pronounce my name. 

As much as I desire him 

to look in my eyes 

and remember me 

I know that bathing in his smile 

is all that I'll be granted. 

And when his smile 

moves deep into his eyes, 

my heart turns sometimes icy cold 

and drops 

as far as leaden stone can drop ... 

for while I feel his smile 

and know the truth of it, 

I also know that he will never smile 

for me the way I hope. 

So I can only look and feel and wish, 

and some days give a full smile back to him, 

while other days I feel that surely 

all his closeness will destroy me ... 

Praise for He who came with the waters 

Praise for He 

who came with the waters 

and swept the dusk from her hair. 

Lo! for the one 

with the silver eyes 

who came and undid my 

Heart. 

As the purple dust 

settled on my shoulders 

I felt the world breathing around me. 

But He who came with the morning 

never ended 

although he spread the waters and the silver dusk. //split?? 

Lo! for him. 

Praise He who had the silver eyes 

and came with the waters. 

Sacred Poems 

Will you come into my sacred poems 

to trust me with your heart – 

or will you rather steal mine 

to leave them again? 

I  Agonies of the Heart

Love is always cursed 

Oh this traitorous heart … 

how can it beat in such a way … ? 

How can it betray me 

every single time? 

Every time I turn … 

I know whatever meets my eye 

is cursed – 

– has always been … 

I see him 

and my self is all a-flutter 

– but I know it will not matter, 

never has … 

And I look at his face … 

all carved in gold, 

his hair is ebony 

with the soft glow of straw – 

but I know 

his eyes are not for me … 

No color can be ascribed 

to these eyes that have never seen me, 

nothing matters in his heart 

a great far distance 

away 

nothing of me. 

This traitorous heart of mine 

can never be quieted – 

there is nothing but 

the pain that meets my heart 

every time I look at his face – 

Oh! 

Why does this heart 

have to be so treacherous?! 

I look at him 

and this memory 

is more cruel than ever – 

why look 

if there’s nothing for it? 

Oh, this treacherous heart 

does like to taunt me … 

Love is always cursed. 

There’s nothing for it. 

Best accept it. 

[   ] 

II All to Ashes?

The leaden life 

Some days my body 

feels like a leaden stone 

and I know 

I can only go down;

Some days 

my heart feels so sore 

that I know it cannot but burst; 

and it pulls me down 

like a leaden stone, 

just down, down, down 

the mill race … 

Some day 

this river must be emptied 

and all the mountains broken to pebble, 

and I can but go down, 

down, down the mill race … 

Some day 

this endless song must be broken 

and the leaden sky torn; 

then the chains around my heart must burst 

and the leaden stone on my body roll away. 

Some day 

my body must rise up from the dead 

and remember that it is alive. 

This agony cannot go on forever, 

some day I must be reborn. 

Impossibility 

I miss him, 

although I could never be near him. 

It is his smile 

bursting across the retina of my eyes 

that makes my heart ache, 

makes me want to be near him, 

although I never can. 

It is the smile in his eyes, 

spinning like a sun across my universe 

that makes me love him so 

– and wonder what I should say to him ... 

But when shall I see him again? 

And even if, it would not matter ... 

Is it not all madness? 

I draw closer to him 

in my heart 

sometimes, 

but in truth I know – 

he is impossible to reach. 

Even when we sit next to each other, 

we stand miles apart ... 

Whatever should I say to him 

if this world were different? 

I do wonder, 

but I do not know. 

So I keep to my smile. 

Ages of this world 

It is true ... 

ages come and go, 

but we always remain the same, 

looking at each other ... 

rain is falling 

around us 

droplets, light, and memory – 

I love you – 

says every raindrop 

this story can never be undone ---

It is like a knot in my heart, 

– and whenever I see you 

I turn back to it, 

taking up the story were we left ... 

Ages come and go 

but in my heart 

you always will remain, 

smiling at me 

across this chasm of life 

– that is tearing us apart --- 

Your smile will remain for all eternity, 

and my heart will keep on beating 

as long as I see your smile, 

it is as easy as that – 

And yet we stand a thousand feet apart. 

When the rain is falling upwards 

and the air smells of spring, 

I will come for you 

and take you by your hand – 

– there has never been the chance 

of another life, 

but in my heart 

I keep the shards of your smile, 

age after age ... 

It is true, 

this story can never be undone, 

– just as the 'mountains will not 'fall in a day. – 

I remain on the brink of eternity, 

watching the horizon 

for more rain to come ... 

Take my hand, 

I say to you, 

take my hand even as we smile 

across these thousand feet apart, 

a chasm of life, 

that we can but dream across ... 

take my hand 

beg my eyes for all eternity, 

and your smile for me 

lasts ages of this world 

– droplets, light, and memory – 

we cannot but dream 

though life might be kinder 

as long as we smile 

at each other ... 

III The Wasted Life

Stand 20. März 2021 Lilly Y L